why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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