Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
