All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
pop tarts are not kleenex
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
