god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
