Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
