I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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