eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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