so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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