White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
