my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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