Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Boobs speak an international language.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Randomize
