i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
