I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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