why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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