My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
