You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
