I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
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long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
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