He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
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