Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
My cat gives me a boner
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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