I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
