in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
