Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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