Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
