Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
