im drinking this country out of the recession.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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