I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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