Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
