i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
