im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
