can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize