when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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