chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Randomize
