Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
