I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I'm drive I can fine osifer
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
