I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
