Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize