im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
