Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
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