as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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