DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
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