Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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