Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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