There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Randomize
