i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
