I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
