I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
