So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
That accounts for only three of the penises
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
