Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
