I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
