i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
