A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
