So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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