just come out here and I will go home with you...
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
