I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
