nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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