U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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