He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
