I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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