I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
