You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
