Yo dont text me then not text me
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
