last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
