rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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