They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
