I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
