when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
