He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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