can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
