He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Randomize
