Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
