So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
