I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
