Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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