I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
