How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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