Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
